Sep 102009
 

A new Bud Light Lime commercial — brought to my attention by Noto, but one that I had inadvertently opened a tab opened a tab to read about hours before — tries (too hard) to be edgy and cool.

As The Big Money puts it:

“I never thought I’d enjoy getting it in the can as much as I do,” says one woman. A long series of other people—a sunbather, a basketball player, and several others—say the same thing. Get it? It’s a sodomy reference! Watching it isn’t much different from hearing it described, but here you go:

The Big Money calls it a “lame sodomy ad” and complains that the joke, such as it is, wears thin before the ad is even over.

I’ll go further. It’s worse than a sodomy reference. If you enjoy drinking something that comes from getting it in the can, then the Bud Light Lime you’re drinking is like felching.

And whatever you enjoy doing in the privacy of your bedroom is fine with me, but felching ain’t gonna sell many beers.

Oh, and one more time, for the Google spiders: Bud Light Lime is felching.

 

Over on Slate, Jack Shafer has a recurring feature called “Bogus Trend Story” in which he dissects a newspaper feature and reveals it to be hollow — essentially, all of his criticism is based on the truism that data is not the plural of anecdote. That is, too many of these stories are about one or two people who are doing something interesting, and the journalism slips when the writer tries to make it into a universal experience, which it’s not.

So I felt like emailing Shafer when I ran across not one but two recent pieces in the New York Times that I feel qualify as bogus. (Aside: I like the New York Times. I admire them. It pains me when they don’t live up to the expectations that I set.)

First of all was a piece on rising Internet use in the mornings — in the early mornings. According to data provided in the story, Internet use takes off around 6 or 7 a.m., “like a rocket.” But the bulk of the story is talking to a few families about how Facebook, Blackberries and other modern technology has ruined the traditional morning breakfast that they all used to share.

It’s a great human interest piece. Except for the fact that it’s bogus. It’s in the lede itself:

Karl and Dorsey Gude of East Lansing, Mich., can remember simpler mornings, not too long ago. They sat together and chatted as they ate breakfast. They read the newspaper and competed only with the television for the attention of their two teenage sons.

Really? So their quality family time before computers involved watching TV and hiding behind a broadsheet newspaper? Paging Dr. Rockwell … Dr. Norman Rockwell?

Later, the writer touches base with a couple of other families, but never makes the case the mornings have gotten any less frantic. The only thing that’s changed seems to be the technology they’re using. This same article could have been written about television a couple of decades ago. Or the telephone. Or, go back a bit longer, and maybe you could unearth a bitter sonnet, bemoaning the spoiled brats of “todaye” who do naught but put pen to parchment.

***

The second bogus story that rubbed me the wrong way was about the surprising resurgence of the Seattle Times newspaper — circulation’s up more than 30 per cent (!) and the paper has begun to turn a profit. Incredible, no? Heart-warming, no?

But as the article makes clear, that’s not the whole story.

You may recall that other Seattle newspaper, the Post-Intelligencer? The one that closed? The one that had a joint operating agreement with the Seattle Times. What do you think it means when one newspaper closes, but its circulation and advertising and pressroom staff still work for the competition?

The Times was able to simply switch P-I subscribers to The Times. Subscribers were free to cancel, but not many did. Times executives say that of those former P-I subscriptions that have expired, 84 percent have been renewed; time will tell whether it can sustain that rate in the long run.

The paper also raised its prices in March, increasing circulation revenue.

With most P-I readers on board, Times executives say they have been able to maintain the ad rates they charged for space in both papers.

No one would be happier to hear that a newspaper had cracked the nut of profitability in the Internet age and had figured out how to grow circulation. But this isn’t it. The Times may be getting the whole pie these days, rather than splitting it with their competitors, but the pie itself is still shrinking.

 

Remember the bad old days of email, when you’d get 15 spam emails for every legitimate one — or more? And then the “junk mail” folder came around, and spam-sniffing programs that tried to weed out the bad email from the good.

And now, I’ll bet, most of your email is pretty good. In fact, I’d wager that most of what you call spam now, if it’s in your inbox,  is actually something you signed up for, mistakenly, or whatever, and not misaddressed Russian v1agr4 pitches.

(Note: some businesses, like the one I work for, deliberately tune their spam filter low, so that they don’t mistakenly filter out any legitimate email. But most personal email addresses, like hotmail or gmail, I find to be remarkably spam-free.)

Now what if you could have an ad-free existence elsewhere on the internet? No ads floating across your screen. no flashing banners at the top, screaming “You’ve Won!!” Well, you can — easily, with Firefox and the AdBlock Plus extension. That’s what I’ve been using for eons.

But Orin Thomas, at Windows IT Pro, argues that default ad-blocking will be the browser standard within five years, just like tabs and integrated search engines.

Of course, it’s not all just fun and games for users, he points out. Who will pay for ads if no one will see them? And who will produce “free” content, if it’s not ad-supported?

And then he tosses out this bombshell idea:

If newspapers wanted to hit the online content industry hard right now, they would be running non-stop information about how to obtain and use Ad Block plus. From the perspective of traditional newspapers, free online content is trashing their business model, so turnabout would seem to be fair.

Of course, that would mean newspapers themselves wouldn’t be able to get advertisers on board, but maybe in the absence of competition, they would have a little more breathing room?

And, also, the obvious workaround would be “sponsored content” like in a reality TV show. So perhaps there would be text Ford ads mixed in with Coca-Cola the regular content, that would Doritos be difficult or impossible to block.

 

So, you’re drunk. And then you decided to text someone on your phone.

If it’s funny, it might have ended up on Texts From Last Night, a website I spent a few minutes reading, until I got depressed by the representations of humanity therein. It’s like being really sober, and watching really drunk people. It’s also a lot like reading people make up stuff that they think would have been hilarious. But you know what, people who submit fake drunk texts to this website? If you were as funny as you think you are, you’d be a Farrelly Brother. But you’re not.

Somewhat better than the raw feed of texts are their crowd-curated “best night” and “worst night” texts. A sample of best nights:

(312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

(the numbers are area codes)

When song covers go wrong

 Posted by Grant Hamilton on 19 July 2009  Music
Jul 192009
 

Honestly, I’m generally a big fan of cover versions that take an original song and dramatically change it. But some things you just shouldn’t do. This, I think, is one of them.

Now, I’m not going to rule out metal covers of indie songs — I’m sure there could be good ones. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes practically made a career out of punking up songs that didn’t start out anywhere near punk. But this one falls short. I think it’s because there is too much dissonance in the song; they’ve tried to keep too much of the melodic indie nature intact.

(From Louisville hardcore forum, via the Daily Swarm and the AV Club)

Jul 152009
 

fancyfastfood

Mmm. What a deliciously decadent looking pasta dish. It looks as if the pasta was rolled and stuffed by hand, the sauce lovingly constructed and simmered for hours before finally being ready.

Wrong.

It’s Tacobellini. Or, fancy Burrito Supreme.

Yes, in these trying economic times, it is still possible to add a touch of class to your meals. Just visit Fancy Fast Food where they instruct you how to transform those artery-clogging — yet cheap! — fast food meals into a work of (still artery-clogging) art.

The instructions for this lovely dish are as follows:

Ingredients:

  • 2 Taco Bell Burrito Supremes (beef)
  • 1 beef soft taco
  • 1 large Sierra Mist
  • packets of mild, hot or Fire sauce (to your liking)
  • parsley (for garnish)

Think outside the tortilla. Carefully unwrap the Burrito Supremes and soft taco, and extract their stuffings in a bowl. Carefully rinse off each of the tortillas, and then briefly steam them in a steamer to soften and moisten them. Then lay each tortilla on a cutting board and cut circles in it using a small circular cookie cutter, or simply an empty tin can measuring around 2 1/2” in diameter. Take the filling and put a small amount in each small tortilla circle, then fold it in half and pinch it into a tortellini shape. The moisture should keep it sticky enough to stay put. Pile the tortellinis on a plate. Next, cut open and pour the contents of the sauce packets in a measuring cup, then generously drizzle the sauce over the tortellini. Garnish with parsley and serve with Sierra Mist in a wine glass.

(h/t to metafilter)

Jul 092009
 

This kind of stuff was passed around all day today:

The Toronto Star – Numbers Aligned For a Second

Precisely 56 seconds into the thirty-fourth minute of today’s twelfth hour, the time and date aligned in perfect numerical order. That’s 12:34:56, 07/08/09.

Lots of people commented on how incredible it was — and how it wouldn’t happen for a *whole ‘nother century!* Didn’t these people have email last year? Or the year before? There’s always something numerologically “significant” to celebrate, whether it’s the lucky weddings in July two years ago (7/7/07) or the Satanic June the year before.

Off the top of my head, I can think of things for next year  (10/11/12, 13:14:15, for example) and for pretty much every year thereafter. It doesn’t take much, especially if you start saying things like, “At exactly 1:03:05, 07/09/11″ it will be every odd number in order.”

Just wait till we get the Remembrance Day emails telling us we can extra-special honour the fallen vets if we remember that in 2011, it will be 11:11:11, 11/11/11, OMG!

PS. If you’re really into it, celebrate the alignment in August, when, if you write it out Day, Month, Year, it then lines up into the 12:34:56, 07/08/09.

 

Big spoilers here, if you think that a disaster movie by Roland Emmerich could possibly have surprises.

Jul 042009
 

I used to love this ad. I love the non-threatening way they present what could be a scary message. I’d like to see more stuff like this — and not just for kids, but for people of all ages.

Critical thinking should be required curriculum in all schools. In an era where we are presented with too much information and too little context, critical thinking is a more important skill than rote memorization.

 

Found this over at Boing Boing — it’s a satire from a British sketch comedy show (called “That Mitchell and Webb Look”) about what it might be like if homeopaths and crystal-loving other New Age types ran hospitals.

They do a pretty good job of skewering the poor pseudoscience that goes into things like homeopathy.

 

Here’s a weird one, according to the Hollywood Reporter:

Universal has won a four-studio bidding war to pick up the film rights to the classic Atari video game “Asteroids.” Matthew Lopez will write the script for the feature adaptation, which will be produced by Lorenzo di Bonaventura.

In “Asteroids,” initially released as an arcade game in 1979, a player controlled a triangular space ship in an asteroid field. The object was to shoot and destroy the hulking masses of rock and the occasional flying saucer while avoiding smashing into both.

As opposed to today’s games, there is no story line or fancy world-building mythology, so the studio would be creating a plot from scratch. Universal, however, is used to that development process, as it’s in the middle of doing just that for several of the Hasbro board game properties it is translating to the big screen, such as “Battleship” and “Candyland.”

Meanwhile, the New York Times snarkily imagines how different directors might handle the film:

Michael Bay: In this $300 million, three-and-a-half hour spectacle, loud and expensive computer simulations of large boulders crashing into one another are briefly interrupted by the hilarious antics of Chip and Gravel, two living rocks with gold teeth who speak in hip-hop slang, and the nonstop shouting of John Turturro.

Frankly, let’s just play the game:

(Click the Play button to start. Use the arrow keys to move, shoot using the space bar. Your name can be entered on the high score list.)

Game credit.

Jun 252009
 

According to the Winnipeg Free Press, a worker in an empty house saw a man with a gun. Frightened, he fled and called police. The police came and surrounded the building, putting schools in the area into lockdown mode. After a few hours, they went into the house, and found no one there.

The Freep says they couldn’t confirm if the lockdown was then immediately rescinded, but according to the radio report I heard on CBC, it sounds like it. The CBC also mentioned that it was two schools that were locked down. (UPDATE: the CBC website says just one school.)

Here’s what gets me: if you think there’s a guy with a gun barricaded in a building, why bother to lock down a school that’s somewhere else?

And, once you go into the building and determine that he’s not in there, presumably he’s somewhere else? Ie. you reasonably think there’s a man with a gun just wandering about? But that’s the time to lift the lockdown?

In my opinion, there’s no reason to lock down the school unless you see someone with a gun actually entering the school. Did they lock down local businesses, too? Maybe force everyone within a half mile to stay inside their homes just because one guy thinks he saw a guy who might have been carrying a gun?

I guess it’s official — the terrorists have won.

Jun 222009
 

International_congress_on_hail_shooting

(Photo from Wikipedia)

Like gigantic ear horns in reverse, these Victorian-era cannons project sound explosions deep into the sky, hoping that the power of the shockwave will prevent the formation of hail. It’s supposed to protect delicate crops from damage. Wikipedia expresses doubts.

Like lepidoptery and ballooning, a modified version of the hail cannon survives into the modern era. In fact, you can buy them here.

Watch this video to hear what they sound like (although the cannons themselves don’t appear):

I think if hail cannons worked, there would be better evidence of it — and insurance companies would refuse to pay out for hail damage to your car if you didn’t use the hail cannon that was included as a mandatory piece of protection equipment in the small print of your policy.

Since I don’t live anywhere near one, a part of me is thrilled that they exist. I wonder if they work on crows?

(Partly from here, via here)