drinks » Absurd Intellectual

Bartending meets backpacking

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 24 October 2011 Modern Life

Oct 242011

I like this idea, in Backpacker magazine, of using a standard toiletry kit to instead hold booze and all the fixin’s.

The folks at Backpacker have done some of the pondering for you, and come up with all the right ingredients to take so that you can enjoy five separate cocktails on the trail: a Hot Toddy, Manhattan, Upper Peninsula Black Maple Spice, Mint Julep — and some plain whisky for the colder nights.

While it ain’t exactly extreme ironing, it’s a good way to take some civilization out into the wild with you.

I approve.

Source: Backcountry Bartender: Build a Bar Kit.

Flight of the Bumblebeers

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 19 February 2011 Modern Life

Feb 192011

Don’t worry, it’s not a drinking problem — it’s an art project!

(via Zanypickle)

How to stir a cocktail

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 31 January 2011 Modern Life

Jan 312011

Just in case you’re having a case of the Mondays that can only be cured with the judicious application of quality hard liquor, and just in case you’re eschewing the Bond “shaken, not stirred” ethos (which, by the way, you should) here’s a link to an excellent tutorial on how to properly stir a cocktail.

What you’ll do:

First, chill both your mixing glass and your serving glass. You can store them for a short time in the freezer or a longer time in the fridge, or you can fill them with a mix of ice and water and set aside for 5 minutes.

Dump the icewater, if using, from the mixing glass. Fill about two thirds full with fresh ice.

Pour in your ingredients over the ice.

Take your spoon between your thumb and your first two fingers of your dominant hand. The shaft of the spoon should be between your index and middle finger. Insert it into the glass until the bowl of the spoon touches the bottom.

Keeping your arm and fingers still, use your wrist to turn the spoon in the glass. The spoon, you’ll find, will spin about in your fingers on its own axis. Use your index finger to pull the spoon toward you (from the twelve o’clock position to the six o’clock) and your middle finger to push it away. The ice and liquid will move about the glass.

Stir for about 60 seconds.

Dump icewater, if using, from the serving glass. Strain stirred cocktail into serving glass. Garnish with whatever ingredient is called for in the recipe.

There’s even a video:

If you’re curious when you should shake, instead of stir, there’s a simple rule of thumb. Using only spirits in your drink? Stir. Adding something like juice, milk or eggs? Go ahead and shake.

Oh, you want another video? Here’s one that shows how to make a classic Manhattan, and why it should be stirred, not shaken. It’s courtesy the Small Screen Network.

A martini anywhere, hidden in your mints tin

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 28 November 2010 Everything Else

Nov 282010

Do you often find yourself without a martini? Do you ramble about your house, surrounded by empty mint tins that you can’t bring yourself to throw out? Perhaps one of those problems could help solve the other one!

In this innovative solution to the modern cultural frowning on “martinis for breakfast” you can surreptitiously make yourself the gentleman’s drink in just about any environs.

I would have two suggestions: A reusable glass — perhaps a flat, folding plastic cup like an Orikaso dish. And, perhaps keeping a couple of mints in the tin could help camouflage your post-martini breath.

I remember, when I was a boy, that someone gave me a Guide to Spying as a gift once, and it included instructions for making a full-on secret message-writing kit and hiding it in a cigarette carton.

It just never occurred to me that a 10-year-old carrying a cigarette case would be a tad conspicuous.

(thanks, Cameron!)

This bitters gift set is pretty sweet

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 27 November 2010 Modern Life

Nov 272010

Move over, Angostura, there’s a new bitters in town. Actually, Angostura bitters have always been subject to competition — there’s no secret to making bitters, except they’re all secret recipes.

Unfortunately, in the decades as I was growing up, it seemed like everyone decided that bitters would no longer be a necessary ingredient if you were going to make yourself a cocktail — when they are, in fact, the most essential ingredient.

Now, though, it seems there’s a bitters revolution. I read more and more about them in magazines and on websites. I still can’t find them for purchase anywhere in my hometown, of course, but the Internet will help — I can buy ‘em online for $8 a pop. There are different brands, too.

But then I stumbled across Bittercube.

You’ve heard of micro-breweries? You’ve heard of boutique wines? You’ve heard of craft distilleries making small-batch vodka, whisky and other spirits?

Make room for artisanal bitters. Ira and Nick, of Bittercube, have been pushing the envelope of bartending since they got started in the biz. And that included making their own bitters. Now, they’re offering these bitters for sale.

They’ve got blackstrap bitters, orange bitters — even cherry bark vanilla bitters. You can buy all six of their flavours in a variety pack for $48. Or you can buy single bottles through Cocktail Kingdom.

But what really intrigues me is this offer:

Bittercube takes Bitters commissions …. If you have a specific flavor profile you would like to see implemented in a one-of-a-kind bitters … Bittercube can work alongside you to create a custom set of Bitters.

Whoa.

Sure, it’s aimed at restaurants and bars — but I’m sure they say that just because you would have to buy a lot of it. There’s no reason a group of friends, or family, couldn’t decided they wanted a custom bitters, and I’m sure they’d listen.

In the meantime, while I try to whip up enthusiasm amongst my cocktail-drinking friends and family, there’s that $48 variety pack.

Now, for me, I think $48 is a little steep to spend on bitters. But, luckily, I don’t think that $48 is too steep for you to spend on me! Hey — it includes shipping!

One beer, one shot, one glass

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 19 November 2010 2G1L

Nov 192010

Talk about a solution in search of a problem! These glasses, available for $20 for a set of two (currently out of stock) are too clever by half, in my opinion.

Sure, sometimes I want a shot with a beer chaser, but the whole idea is that once you’re done the shot, the beer is right there. Who wants to slam their shot glass down and then calmly pour themselves a pint?

Also, who wants to alternate hard liquor and beer dripping onto the table or bar as they flip a glass upside down over and over again?

Also, have the designers behind this glass never done a drop shot?

(via Gizmodo)

This is why Santa doesn’t have Rudolph’s red nose

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 18 November 2010 Everything Else, Vintage/Retro

Nov 182010

… because Santa is a responsible drinker!

The translation, at least how it’s phrased on the Vintage Ads LiveJournal page, goes like this:

I look like Santa because you’ve had too much to drink. It’s only October. If you drink, be considerate of the other passengers.

One of the commenters at LiveJournal calls him “The World’s Most Interesting Santa,” which made me lol, but it is supposedly a “manners” poster in the Tokyo subway.

Normally, I abhor both the overcommercialization and overSantafication of Christmas, as well as the nanny-state finger-waggery of polite society posters, but this one combines both of those into a delightful package, wraps it up with humour, and doesn’t scold you for having too much to drink, just reminds you that not everyone else has.

Now, time to start thinking about whether Santa would prefer whisky or wine left out for him this Dec. 24.

(via BoingBoing)

Did MADD just admit that drunk-driving laws have gone too far?

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 4 November 2010 Modern Life

Nov 042010

Here’s a recent ad from Mothers Against Drunk Driving Canada. It is designed to frighten and intimidate educate drivers in Ontario with information about recent changes in the impaired driving legislation there.

Here’s a key bit of the narration for you:

The number of drinks we can each safely consume varies, but when you drive [over 0.05% BAC], the penalties stay the same.

So, this ad is telling me, the careful listener, that I might actually be okay to drive after a couple of drinks — or more! it varies! — but I shouldn’t, because it’s against the law anyway.

Which, if it didn’t come with such a condescending and paternalistic tone, would actually be a nuanced position to take. Except MADD is not known for their ability to be nuanced. They’ve spent decades getting the bar for “impaired driving” blood alcohol lowered — first to 0.08% and now to 0.05% and I’m sure they’ve love to see it at 0.00%.

And their whole argument rests on the word “impaired.” If I drink too much, it will impair my ability to drive a car. I won’t be able to drive as well.

If people are “impaired” at 0.05%, then they shouldn’t be driving. But some people will be impaired at less than that. And others may still be okay to drive — as their ad now admits.

I am against drunk driving. But, I kind of think you should be allowed to go take a road test, like when you first get your license, after a few drinks. And if you can pass it, they’ll give you an on-the-spot breathalyzer. Whatever you blow will be your own personal “impaired” level.

Let’s say I can pass a driving test at 0.09%. Why not give me that extra leeway? Just put the number on my license, next to height, weight and whether I have to wear glasses.

(Of course, this cuts both ways. What if you’re a real lightweight, and get loopy at a BAC of 0.02%. Well, that number would be front-and-centre on your license, and don’t think you’d be getting through that checkstop after just a single drink.)

In the meantime, I will simply continue to drink and blog. No danger there!

Magic glass knows what you’re drinking

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 4 September 2010 Modern Life

Sep 042010

When empty, that glass just looks like it has some sort of mod patterned design on it. Bunches of little tiny dots look almost kinetic, but they would fit into many kitchens, I’m sure, mine included.

However, the magic happens when you fill them up:

Yes, your beverage connects the dots, so to speak, creating a message printed on the side that reveals what you are drinking.

(Note: that is the same glass, from three different angles, above.)

It’s called the Cipher, a psychic drinking glass. And I want one (or a set of six) really, really, really badly. It was designed by Damjan Stanković last year.

Sadly, it is merely a concept.

A Cuban-Irish pub, in the heart of Prague

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 29 August 2010 Modern Life

Aug 292010

As my parents gear up for a month in central and eastern Europe, they’ve been perusing a number of guidebooks. One of them, for the Czech Republic, said it listed the Top 10 pubs in Prague.

Intrigued, I flipped to the indicated page, and at No. 6 or so, burst out laughing.

O’Che’s, they said, was a Cuban-Irish pub. The combination was just delicious enough and just absurd enough to really appeal to me.

I Googled it — it’s real — they’ve even got a Facebook page.

Apparently, they are also known for their extensive sports coverage, their darts league, and their Thursday cocktail specials.

Guinness meets Guevara? Count me in.

Intriguing margarita recipe

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 26 July 2010 Modern Life

Jul 262010

Over at Gawker, they’ve posted a tip about a different kind of margarita recipe. The secret ingredient is diet Mountain Dew. Apparently the sweetener used in diet Mountain Dew helps knock down the tequila flavour:

In a blender combine in the order given here: 1/3-1/2 can (depending on tart preference) of LIMEADE frozen concentrate; 1/4-1/3 fifth of TEQUILA of choice; 1/4 -1/2 cup of TRIPLE SEC (a slightly lesser amount of Cointreau can be used in place of Triple Sec); 1-1 1/2 cups of DIET (must be diet as this is the key ingredient) MOUNTAIN DEW; finally add enough crushed ice to bring the level in the blender to about 2 inches from the top. Mix till ice is smoothly integrated and then get the party started.

From what I know about Slurpees, it’s important to have enough sugar in your frozen drink to keep it slushy — and the reason there’s no diet Slurpee is because aspartame doesn’t work for that. But I suspect there’s enough sugar in the Limeade for this concoction.

I am looking forward to giving this a shot!

Video game drinking games

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 3 July 2010 Vintage/Retro

Jul 032010

Watch out for the auto-play ads, but I laughed at Dorkly’s list of 11 Video Game Drinking Games. After all, why should cards, TV shows and movies have all the fun?

Of course, because I’m aging, many of the ones that I enjoyed most were, um, classics. Like these two:

Full list here.

Now this is a BARbershop

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 24 June 2010 Modern Life, Vintage/Retro

Jun 242010

I have a barbershop that I frequent. It’s old, and it’s great.

When I started getting my hair cut there, it was a man and his son who ran the place. They had an old black-and-white TV — in Bakelite orange — sitting in the corner. They had couple of old newspapers and a stack a mile high of Playboys and Maxims by the waiting bench.

They had a big old brass cash register, with a very satisfying ka-ching. There’s a yellowing sign on the wall, apologizing to long-time regulars for raising the price of haircuts above $10.

I don’t know what a haircut there costs these days. It might be $11, or even $12. I hand them a $20, and refuse any change. It’s worth it.

But a couple of years ago the son left, moving to another city to pursue his dream of being a police officer. The father hired a girl to help out. The Playboys, then the Maxims, disappeared. The TV stopped working, and it’s been replaced with a modern model.

The cash register is still there, though — as big and bright as ever.

The man has MS, and he’s not there as often anymore. When he does have the energy to give a few haircuts, it’s with a very pronounced limp. And every now and then he’ll have to rest the full weight of his meaty palm on your head.

But I’ll keep going there for my haircuts.

And until today, I didn’t think there was anything that could make it any better.

But what if they added a bar?

That’s what a place called The Blind Barber in New York did:

I stretched out in a chair, watched a lavishly tattooed stylist come at me with loudly whirring clippers and felt a very, very keen thirst. But how to quench it?

I left that up to the three young proprietors, who decided on something that would have been more appropriate for my subsequent appointment with a straight razor. The Sweeney Todd, they call it. It’s one of their signature concoctions, made of Irish whiskey, egg white, lemon juice, honey syrup and the same dark humor that went into the naming of the place.

The bar’s in the back, and it even has a separate entrance, if you want to go there without getting your hair cut. But I can’t help but love the fact that they even thought about pairing it.

I love my own little barbershop. It’s been there for ages, and I’ll keep going there. Right now, in the back, I think there’s a beauty salon (it isn’t the kind of place where men and women mix much — the new barberess notwithstanding). But maybe they could knock out a wall, expand next door, open a bar?

Even just a fridge, tucked away by the TV, with a few cans of beer.

I’d gladly pay more for a haircut!

Take a real close look at these drinks

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 21 June 2010 Modern Life

Jun 212010

That, above, is a drop of sake, squeezed out onto a microscope slide, allowed to dry, and then photographed under a high-power microscope.

It’s the work of a company called BevShots, which offers prints of highly magnified drinks as abstract art for your walls. Some of them are really cool.

There’s a photo gallery on the Telegraph site, which, as you page through, also tells you a bit about the company and its founder.

What’s mostly visible in the pictures are crystallized sugars and other carbohydrates. Because vodka, say, has a whole lot fewer of those than, um, a pina colada, it can take a long time to get a good photo of vodk — perhaps up to three months and 200 attempts.

Which goes a long way towards explaining the $550 price tag on the largest and most expensive prints.

Fear not, though! You can get metallic prints for as low as $20. And, when I went through the checkout process for one poster, pricing options seemed both really fair and really transparent.

You can browse a full gallery on the BevShots site. The only thing stopping me from buying right now is that I can’t decide if I want to buy one based on the colour, or based on the drink that it is.

(via Geekologie)

Don’t you wish the adult world had a little bit of the magic you remember as a kid?

Posted by Grant Hamilton on 29 May 2010 Modern Life

May 292010

Being a kid was awesome. Sure, you were at the mercy of your parents, when it came to driving some place, or what you got to eat, or sometimes what you had to wear. But you were guaranteed a lunch and two recesses, you got home by 3:30, and you had two glorious months in the summer.

Unless you’re a teacher, try convincing your boss you need that much time off now.

Still, sometimes it would be nice to have just some of the child-friendly amenities still around in the world, but tweaked for adults. Who hasn’t thought to themselves, at some point, that it would be awesome to crawl into the play structures at a fast food restaurant? Or to get absolutely wired on juice.

Anyway, tumblr user Exploding Dog has posted one more entry in that “things you wish the adult world had learned from kids” list. Check it:

YESSSS! Why not?!?!? Why can’t this be true. I mean, they have ice cream trucks, and hot dog carts, and here where I live there’s Ye Olde Chip Truck, but why can’t we have a mobile bartender?

Damn our puritanical legacy.

(via Coudal)

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