Chocolate is delicious, I will admit. Liquor is delicious, I will submit. The combination? Scrumptious — even if it’s cheap crappy chocolate and mere hints of syrupy alcohol.
But those booze-filled miniature bottles of chocolates are, I think, a wonderful Christmas treat, and I happily picked up a box when they were on sale during Boxing Week. Also, I acquired a second box when I hosted a house party — thanks Andrea!
Although I’ve seen people biting off the tops of the chocolate bottles, and then slurping back the alcohol like they’re standing at some sort of Easter shooter bar, I prefer to toss the whole thing in my mouth and feel it pop under my teeth.
The chocolate-saturated Jim Beam or Grand Marnier doesn’t taste anything like the real thing, but the bottom-of-the-barrel chocolate doesn’t really taste like premium cocoa, either, so it’s a wash. It’s its own flavour — like grapefruit gum or candy bananas, the taste of liquor-filled chocolates bears no resemblance to its real-world counterpart.
Still, they are a fun — delicious — treat.
I note on the label that they have a maximum 5% v/w alcohol content.
That surprises me, so I Googled it, but I could find next to nothing. Do they mean that there is enough 80-proof whiskey in the chocolate that the whole thing counts as being as potent as a beer? Or is the liquor inside the chocolate watered down to 5%, and the chocolate itself doesn’t count as part of the equation?
I could find no information that would satisfy my curiosity, just a link to a paper — in Swedish — that promised to examine how many of them you’d need to eat to blow over. Unfortunately, I can’t read Swedish, nor can I figure out the PubMed server that the article is apparently located on.
In any respect, you can buy them at the supermarket, no ID or age verification required. I wonder what would happen if you sent a grubby nine-year-old in with some cash and asked him to see if he could buy four or five boxes of those liquor-filled chocolates.
My guess? The glassy-eyed cashier wouldn’t even blink. Heck, the chocolate’s probably worse for the kid than the miniscule amount of booze.
(I stole the image above from candywarehouse.com, and I encourage you to visit there for your booze-filled chocolate needs. Of course, they appear to sell them in packs of 240 (24 mini gift crates of 10 individually-wrapped chocolates) for $165.60. That may be more than even I require.)
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UPDATE: Oh my God! I checked out Candy Warehouse’s other offerings, which include a $6,000 steel M&M sculture (in the shape of sexy lips), liquid sour candy that comes in a sterile urine container, and the Zit Poppers:
Pop those zits! Oh the sweet memories of those adolescent years relieving the pressure of massive pimples by squeezing them between two fingers until they burst forth their icky fluid. Gross! These plump candy pimples are the largest such growths we’ve ever seen. They’re oozy, sticky, goo filled gummies ripe for squirting…. and come in 2 fruity flavors as most zits do: Strawberry and Watermelon.
M&M lips
Sour urine
Zit poppers
Ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. But only $20 for a carton of a dozen bags (approx. 15 zits per bag).
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UPDATE 2: I’m starting to like these people! From their FAQ:
Q: Who works at CandyWarehouse.com?
A: CandyWarehouse.com is populated entirely by happy little elves that ran away from Santa Claus’s workshop, or as we like to call it, Mr. EvilBeard’s Horrorshop. We like it here because the uniform doesn’t require those uncomfortable pointy shoes. Plus, the weather in sunny California is much nicer than the weather at the North Pole.
