biography » Absurd Intellectual

Alvin York, the man who could not get shot

Posted by T. Keith Edmunds on 19 February 2010 Everything Else

Feb 192010

In all actuality, during WWI, Sgt. Alvin York stood every chance of getting shot but somehow managed to avoid dying by gunfire. Sure, this might describe hundreds, if not thousands, of WWI soldiers, but how many of themsingle-handedly captured 132 German soldiers at once?

Born and raised in Tennessee, York spent his youth in the mountains with a gun, probably shooting at anything that moved. It was time that could be considered well-spent when he found himself, in the war, part of an offensive in France aimed at breaching the German lines.

The Germans attacked York’s unit, killing most of them, leaving only a few soldiers guarding some prisoners (and unable to engage in battle) and Sgt. York. York, in an exposed position, was faced with over 100 Germans attacking him and him alone.

Rather than curling up into the fetal position and waiting for his ultimate end, as most of us would likely do, York manned up.

Lying down on the ground, he began to systematically pick off the machine gunners that were pinning him down. Whenever he saw a head, he made it a target. Eventually, a number of soldiers decided to attack him with their bayonets. As they charged, York drew his service pistol and started to shoot the enemy combatants bearing down on him. Relying on his experience turkey-hunting, he shot the soldiers at the back of the line, so as not to alert the one in front that they were running out of comrades.

Eventually, York began to call for the enemy’s surrender. If they shot at him instead, he would pick them off sharp-shooter style. In the end, they began to surrender.

As he was marching his prisoners back through the German lines (they were some ways behind them), other German soldiers, believing there were more forces surrounding them, began to surrender as well.

There’s lots more to the story, but it’s a Friday and you get the idea. You can read York on Wikipedia (obviously) or at Today I Found Out (which includes the story in York’s own words).

You owe your life to Stanislav Petrov

Posted by T. Keith Edmunds on 22 January 2010 Vintage/Retro

Jan 222010

Stanislav Petrov, the unassuming man who saved the world.

You’ve probably never heard of him, but the odds are that you owe your continued existence to Stanislav Petrov. He saved the world. And he did it by (1) thinking, and (2) doing nothing.

It was the depths of the Cold War and tensions were running high between the U.S. and the Soviet Union. About three weeks earlier, on September 1, 1983, the Soviets had mistakenly shot down a Korean passenger plane (KAL Flight 007), killing all 269 people on board including an American politician.

Petrov, a lieutenant colonel with the Soviet military, was in charge of monitoring Soviet satellites watching for American military aggression. On September 23, 1983, while working a double shift, Petrov’s monitoring station went red. The Americans had fired missiles at the Soviet Union.

Protocol stated that Petrov was to push a single red button that would launch a counter-offensive, thereby initiating a full-scale nuclear war. Despite the pressure of the situation, his position and the expectations of those in the bunker with him, Petrov did nothing, reasoning that the “attack” did not make sense.

He was correct. It was a false alarm. Yet, the fate of the world had been held in one man’s hands for those few minutes.

And he was covering another officer’s shift.

(Read more about the situation on Petrov’s wikipedia entry. You probably should, as this post is a bit simplified.)

Moe… a real person?

Posted by T. Keith Edmunds on 25 September 2009 Everything Else

Sep 252009

"You go through life, you try to resist the urge to punch people in the face, and for what? For some pimply little puke to treat you like dirt! Well, I'm better than dirt! Well... most kinds of dirt."

Moe is one of my favorite characters from the Simpsons. When he first appeared in the early episodes, he was just only the receipient of Bart’s prank phone calls. Eventually, he evolved into a fully realized character.

What I hadn’t realized is that Moe is based on a real person — Louis “Red” Deutsch.

Born in 1895, Deutsch opened the “Tube Bar” in New Jersey in 1933 after the end of Prohibition. He ran the bar well into his eighties, selling it in 1980. Deutsch was well-known in his area as being a bit of an eccentric. According to his Wikipedia entry:

…there were no barstools, women were forbidden to enter until the 1970s, and anyone caught not drinking was subject to be beaten by Red and ejected by force.

The memory of Deutsch might have greatly faded since his death in 1983 if it hadn’t been for a series of prank calls he began receiving in the mid-70s. Now known as the “Tube Bar prank calls,” the original calls (and their recordings) were made by John Elmo and Jim Davidson.

These two young men would call the Tube Bar and ask for nonexistent individuals. When Deutsch would call out the name, the gag would be revealed. For example, “Al Coholic.”

Sound familiar?

Most of the time, Deutsch would call out the names, unaware that he was being subjected to a prank. Sometimes, however, Deutsch would catch on to the prank, and when he did, he responded with extreme hostility, shouting at the caller with profanity, obscene sexual references, usually involving the caller’s mother, and threats of physical harm. (Wikipedia)

Elmo and Davidson began circulating the tapes to their friends. Over time, these recordings became an underground sensation, with Simpson’s creator Matt Groening being one of those who had obtained a copy.

Thus was the beginning of television comedy gold: “You little SOB! If I ever find out who you are, I’m going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs up your butt! ”

The official website for the Tube Bar prank calls can be found here.

“Mad Jack” Churchill, archer of WW2

Posted by T. Keith Edmunds on 22 September 2009 Everything Else

Sep 222009

"Mad Jack" Churchill can be seen on the right, sword in hand, leading the charge

Captain “Mad Jack” Churchill – the only man known to have killed an enemy in WWII with a long bow. Seriously, do I need to follow that up with anything?

Fine. How about a bit of a bio…

Jack Malcolm Thorpe Fleming Churchill was an Englishman born in Hong Kong (1906) who appears to have wished himself Scottish. A life-long soldier, he spent peacetime years bored and mastering the bagpipes.

As soon as Germany invaded Poland and the Second World War was started proper, Churchill enlisted immediately. His eccentricity manifested itself again with his insistence that he always carry a sword, bow and arrows with him into combat. Famously, he once remarked that “any officer who goes into action without his sword is improperly dressed”.

When England put out a call for commandos, Churchill signed on despite not knowing what commandos were. It sounded dangerous and he had heard there would be action — that was good enough for him.

Among his exploits were such scenes as playing the bagpipes from the lead boat landing at a German position in Norway (prior to leading the attack, of course); escaping from a concentration camp, and being the only known soldier to kill an enemy combatant with a bow.

Of particular note in Churchill’s WWII career is one particular raid that took place in 1943. With the assistance of one rifleman (that’s a total of two soldiers for those of you doing the math), Churchill managed to capture 42 prisoners and a mortar squad during the course of one night, walking them out of town the next morning.

When the war in Europe was nearly done, he asked to be redeployed to the Pacific. By the time he arrived, however, the war was over. A soldier through and through, Churchill was not pleased with the end of the war. He is said to have complained: “If it wasn’t for those damn Yanks, we could have kept the war going another 10 years!”

(Lengthier articles about “Mad Jack” Churchill can be found at Damn Interesting and Wikipedia.)