What to drink on St. Patrick’s Day

 Posted by on 17 March 2009  Modern Life
Mar 172009
 

green-beer

Tonight, Amy and I will have a selection of genuine Irish beers to choose from: Guinness, Harp, O’Hara’s, Smithwick’s and Kilkenny. I may also sneak a vial of green food colouring into the party we’re going to.

And I hope someone bites the bullet and brings some expensive Irish whiskey that I can sample.

There’s also Bailey’s — or creme de menthe for something that’s an ungodly shade of green.

But that’s not all your choices have to be (although, let’s be honest, that’s a pretty good set of choices!).

The New York Times is there, asking bartenders to stir Irish whiskey into a cocktail. I know! I know! But check out one of the ones that they came up with:

  • 1 ounce Bushmills Irish whiskey
  • 1/2 ounce cherry liqueur
  • 1/2 ounce freshly squeezed orange juice
  • 1 whole egg.

Combine ingredients in cocktail shaker with ice. Shake very vigorously, for at least 10 seconds, to emulsify the egg. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

Although the very idea is shocking to some (the Bushmills master distiller is quoted as saying “I’m sure my father never drank a cocktail in his life.”) the concept is interesting. In fact, the cocktails they came up with were guided by “the traditional Irish breakfast — eggs, bacon, black and white pudding, and toast”

The unintended consequences of gay marriage

 Posted by on 16 March 2009  Modern Life
Mar 162009
 

Look, I’m in favour of gay marriage. I think in 50 years, banning gay marriage will be looked back on as just like when we used to ban interracial marriage. It’s just weird that consenting adults can’t do what they want. And it’s definitely wrong that the state is stepping in to enforce religious rites.

But I’m no starry-eyed innocent. I know that not all marriages are perfect, and I don’t think that gay marriage will be any different. Whatever your sexuality, some relationships work out better than others.

That said, I didn’t see this story coming:

A woman who allegedly intended to artificially inseminate her wife with her brother’s semen has been charged with domestic assault and battery:

According to a report by Pittsfield Police Officer Kipp D. Steinman: “Jennifer said that Stephanie had a ‘turkey baster and her brother’s semen in a sealed container.’ Jennifer said she told Stephanie that she didn’t want to get pregnant.” The device was actually a large syringe with a catheter tip, police said, and it was still in its original package when officers confiscated the item.

Stephanie, who apparently will escape being charged with rape, was described as “all liquored up.” People are weird.

(via Obscure Store)

Party time, with the excellent Sidecar

 Posted by on 17 January 2009  Vintage/Retro
Jan 172009
 

sidecarAmy and I are heading to a party with some workmates this evening, and the theme (which I humbly note was my suggestion) is to bring a drink that you’ve never tried before. I and the party hostess both seem in agreement that this theme should promote lots of drink sharing and conviviality — and I bet it’ll make for a great party!

The trick, though, is coming up with a drink never-before-tried by either Amy or myself (since we’re bringing the same drink — we’re a couple, you know).

For the timid, I mentioned that, technically, the theme meant you could bring a beer brand or a bottle of wine that was new to you, or you could open up a new bottle of scotch, say. But for the adventurous, like me and my girl, it meant that we have spent hours searching the Internet for drink recipes.

I wanted something new (obviously), something interesting (hopefully), something fun to drink and I was leaning towards something traditional — some kind of classic cocktail, so I guess I’m trendy.

At first, I was really interesting in the Old Fashioned, with its whiskey base. Or a Manhattan, which is also whiskey-based, and has a Simpsons connection (It’s the ‘supoib’ drink of choice at the Legitimate Businessman’s Social Club in Springfield). But the Manhattan (hmm, also a Watchmen reference, right Doctor?) means vermouth, and I didn’t really feel like vermouth, not after the French Onion Martini debacle.

The Old Fashioned, too, stirs up plenty of ire online as people debate how exactly it is supposed to be made.

Each of those, I found out during my research, were one of the Six Basic Cocktails enumerated by David Embury in his classic 1948 book, “The Fine Art of Mixing Drinks.” So I took a look at the other four.

The daiquiri (non-blended) sounded interesting, but Amy had already tried a non-blended one, and I think I had, too. A Jack Rose was out of the question because I don’t think we can buy applejack anywhere here, and we didn’t have time to make our own by repeatedly freeze-distilling apple cider.

And obviously we had tried many variations on the martini before.

That left the Sidecar. A winner, as it turned out. Simple to make, without ingredients (like vermouth) that we didn’t like or (like applejack) that we didn’t have. Sounded tasty. Had a cool, retro name.

It would be the Sidecar! Find out more, after the jump:

Continue reading »

The birth (and death?) of the French Onion Martini

 Posted by on 13 January 2009  Modern Life
Jan 132009
 
Behold, the French Onion Martini. A intriguing idea, non?

Behold, the French Onion Martini. Gin, onion, cheese. A intriguing idea, non?

There aren’t a whole lot of drinks inspired by food — unless you count shooters like the Candy Cane, perhaps. But when Keith pitched Grant on the idea of a “French Onion Martini,” something took hold in both their imaginations. Something overwrought, perhaps, but definitely something.

Keith: “Imagine a French Onion Martini. Gin with those sweet pickled onions, and a layer of melted cheese floating on top.”

Grant: “I love it!”

Amy: “Oh, dear.”

Intrigued? More after the jump — click “Continue!”

Continue reading »

Got any vermouth in Stock?

 Posted by on 10 January 2009  Modern Life, Vintage/Retro
Jan 102009
 

Stock Vermouth

In preparation for experimental martini night (more on those top-secret plans anon right here), I went rooting through my parents’ liquor cupboard, looking for some vermouth.

“We went through our vermouth phase five years ago,” my mom said. “There’s none up there anymore.”

“You lie!” I cackled, unearthing a free promo airplane bottle that had gone yellow with age. “Can I have it?”

“It looks like your sister’s,” she said. “Or your brother’s.”

“It looks like grandpa’s,” I said.

“It looks like mine,” I thought.

It’s a brand I’d never heard of — Stock. But I’m not exactly up on my vermouth brands, so it could be the most popular brand in the world, for all I know. The bottle has evaporated to the point where there is no more liquor in the neck (pictures to come).

The label is so retro I want to die. I searched in vain for a printing date or even — horrors! — an expiry date. Nothing. Just “Since 1884″ but not even my parents keep liquor that long.

A quick Google image search found the label, but I was hoping for a fan site tracking label changes over the years. So far, nothing, but I keep looking.

This image may be subject to copyright. Really.The best label image I found, though, took me to the website for the World Intellectual Property Organization. Apparently, the label was registered as a trademark in 1958, so the label probably isn’t any older than that. And it’s due to expire in 2018, so it could conceivably be new.

But I don’t think so. ‘Twas hilarious, though,to have Google tell me helpfully that an image it had found on the World Intellectual Property Organization’s trademark site might — might! — be subject to copyright.

Yup. But Fair Dealing, bitches!

You can’t call it “drunk” if you don’t drink it

 Posted by on 10 January 2009  Modern Life, NSFW
Jan 102009
 

I don’t know what’s more unbelievable: this trend; or the fact that people seem to be taking it seriously.

Vodka-soaked tampons? Really?

Okay, some questions:

1. Would this help prevent drunk sex with people you don’t really want to sleep with?

2. Do you get a really bad “cotton mouth” hangover?

3. I thought drinking was a social occasion. Are ladies sneaking off to the bathroom with a bottle and their purse, or is this a really weird sorority thing?

And if they ever try to link this to “models who want to get drunk without the calories,” I swear to God I’m going to stick something up someone’s something.

…

UPDATE: Upon some reconsidering — I would *love* to see an Absolut ad to go along with this trend.

Driving me mental

 Posted by on 10 January 2009  Modern Life
Jan 102009
 

Having just driven home and encountering — at a minimum! — three awful drivers in the span of a less than a minute, I’m incensed enough to blog about it. Now, I won’t spend any time on the specifics of what I encountered. Suffice it to say that if you’re in the left-hand-turn lane, waiting to go, you should pull up into the intersection. Then, when the light turns yellow (amber, in traffic parlance) and the opposing traffic stops, you can “clear the intersection.” That is, proceed through your turn, leaving the car behind you to advance to the line. Under no circumstances is it appropriate to merely sit at the line, as cars and frustrations mount behind you, so that when the light turns red, you’re in the exact same situation you were when it first turned green.

Bad driving is endemic. I think it stems from a lack of driver’s education. Now, I know that kids these days have to take a class and pass a test — or tests. But it wasn’t always that way. One of my parents’ good friends told me the story, when I was 16, of how he got his first driver’s license.

Living on a farm, he had to go all the way to town, to the municipal office, and apply. They asked him one question: “Did you drive here today?”

Answering in the affirmative, they stamped his license, and off he went. He has never taken a driver’s exam. Not even an eye test, as far as I know.

Talking with Keith, he and I agreed that driving tests should be mandatory every five years. Every time some confused senior citizen hits the gas instead of the brakes and plows through a farmer’s market or something, there are calls for mandatory testing — but it’s always for drivers “of a certain age” and the powerful “gray lobby” of the AARP quickly makes politicians hit the mute button.

Frankly, without better senior care or public transit, especially in rural areas, yanking driver’s licenses from otherwise independent seniors is probably a bad idea.

The solution is to test everybody – say every five years — and to plow that money into better public transit. Sell it as a stimulus package. Private investment will spring up, and good drivers will start auto schools, for example. It will provide jobs for government testers, and at no cost to the public purse, since people will have to pay for their own tests.

I think, too, that if you fail the test, you’ll have 30 days to pass it, or your license is yanked. And if you fail it once, you’ll have to take it again next year. Get tested every year unless you pass it on the first try — then you can have the five year grace period.

More driver’s testing would add another weapon to the traffic enforecement arsenal. If someone runs a red light, or is at-fault in a fender-bender, right now they’re subject to a fine, mostly. Maybe they’re sent to traffic school, but not likely (at least not where I live). Make ‘em take a test, though, and the sheer annoyance of having to do that is a good deterrent. Plus, they’ll actually have to demonstrate that they’re a better driver, not just snooze through some night classes or write a cheque.

I’ve got another — more controversial — idea, too. When studies show that college students who are legally drunk still have better reflexes than sober 80-year-olds (this is an actual study, and it was in the news a few years ago, but I’m still looking for a link online) it’s obvious that we need a better approach to drinking-and-driving than an arbitrary limit.

My suggestion? More testing! Simply allow people to take their driver’s license test as drunk as they want — perhaps on a special course. If they pass the test, they are given a breathalyser, and that number is stamped on their license, along with their height, weight, age, etc. That becomes your personal legal limit.

If you can pass the driver’s test at 0.12% and I fail it at 0.05% why should we both get charged with drinking and driving at 0.08%? Get pulled over for weaving? Maybe you’re tired, but even if you blow “over”, if you can prove that you are a legitimate driver at whatever your blood alcohol level is, you should be good to go.

No one I’ve ever told this idea to has like it or agreed with me.

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