So you want to be a supervillain

You know, taking on the James Bonds and Inspector Gadgets of the world isn’t easy. No matter how many henchmen you employ, there’s something about the job description that turns them all into ninnies.

So here’s a handy list: How To Be A Successful Evil Overlord.

There’s 100 of them:

* I will never employ any device with a digital count-down. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable. I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
* I will never utter the sentence “But before I kill you, there’s just one thing I want to know.”
* When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
* I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would prove a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
* I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero’s rugged countenance and she’d betray her own father.
* Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it’s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
* I will hire a fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legion of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

Et cetera.