A pub in London was evacuated — and the bomb disposal experts were called in — after humourless idiots water engineers found a prop from a Monty Python film and thought it was a bomb.
The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, as you may remember from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, is one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him, and it is used to vanquish the killer bunny.
Let me refresh your memory:
The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch is not real. And even if it were real, film props are not real.
That brings me to a second point:
A Wal-Mart in Brandon was (briefly) evacuated when someone heard ticking from a package and thought it might be a bomb. Code Blue, by the way, is Wal-Martian for “bomb!”
It wasn’t a bomb, of course, no matter how sympathetic I might be to people who want to blow up big box stores.
A hint to future bomb-spyers: Bombs don’t tick. Not anymore. It’s a nice turn of phrase, but ever since they invented digital watches, it’s so much easier to hook up the detonator to a Casio than it is to rig it to an actual ticking timepiece.
Also, cheap digital watches are, well, cheap.
And even digital watches are going out — modern bomb-makers use cell phones, so they can trigger the bomb remotely, at their leisure, rather than using a timer, which may or maynot cause it explode when they want it to.
Here are some things that tick:
- clocks
- cooling car engines
- metronomes
- metaphors
When you’re thinking of a “ticking time bomb” you’re probably thinking of that last one.
Grant Hamilton
One Response to “Five is right out!”
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Oh. I thought that metaphors kicked, too. But I was wrong. They just rock.